I’m not sure of the physics about it but I’m quite positive that it’s a law of nature that the faster I need to go- the slower my kids move. I’m trying to race out of the house because we are on the fringe of arriving on time for something- and the children that I have seen race like horses all of a sudden move like molasses. “Let’s Go!” I will say. Joey- put on your coat- I chuck it to him and he lets it fall on the ground. He too then crumples to the floor. Mittens that fit 12 hours ago are now too tight. Hats are itchy. Zippers don’t zip. Guy just stands looking out the sliding door- pensively lost in thought. “Let’s go!!” I say, gently nudging him with my foot as I hold a baby and wiggle her arm in her coat. The little artist is appalled I would ‘kick him’ and he too crumples to the floor.
It’s really quite concerning because they instantly become blind as well. “Find your hat! Find your hat!” I yell as I run around putting diapers in my purse. Guy stands in the living room, “can’t find it. Just can’t find it.” He says shrugging his shoulders as it lays 12 inches away from his toes. “LOOKDOWN!!” I yell from the other room. Guy looks down and remembers he would like to try to complete that puzzle over there on that table. Joey walks over to help him find a piece. “Let’s go!” I yell running around finding my shoes, the baby’s shoes, Guy’s shoes and Joey’s shoes.
Their fingers go limp. Their bodies go limp. One lies down on the floor. “LET”S GO!” I yell stuffing one foot, two feet, three feet, six feet into shoes. I hold their hands and stand them all up. Joey sits down. He thinks he sees a cheerio under the couch.
“We’re going!” I call as I run around and turn off coffee pot, unplug toaster, turn off light, light, light and other light. A shoe is off someone’s sock was bunched. “Let’s go!” I say as I fix the sock, the shoe, straighten the coat and kiss the face.
“Let’s go!” I call as I open the door, holding a diaper bag, another bag, one blankie, two blankie, a baby, keys, phone and coffee. Joey walks to the door. Guy crawls to the door. Joey thinks that looks like fun so they both crawl to the door. I nudge them with my foot. “Let’s go!... let’s go!! LET”S GO!!” Everyone out. Shut the door, lock the door. One hat, two hat, three hats, one kid, two kid, three kid, coffee. Diapers. Phone. Keys. Kids? Kids. Let’s go. All to get out the door.