The Past Year in 1/2 Paragraphs.

·     So instead of journaling or keeping a baby book for my kids, I randomly write down cute and funny, quirky things they say or do and send them to my family or post them on facebook. It's sometimes fun to look back and see the memories and how much the kiddos have grown. I guess this is Joey and Guy's year in Facebook Status Updates. "The days are long but the years are short."

      

·         Parenting toddlers kicked my butt today. A low point came after I placed Joey in his room for his 6th irrational temper tantrum of the day and then caught Guy dipping a paint brush in the toilet and "painting" the bathroom in toilet water. Jan 29

·         Joey's friend lent him a toy vacuum. He is obsessed with it- pretending to vacuum our whole home. I was verbally lamenting the fact that the toy had no real suction power- (he could take over this chore!)- when Joey ran to his brother who was innocently standing there, and wildly ran the vacuum up Guy's shirt, and over his face and hair. This is why a child's vacuum isn't real. Obviously a good decision. Jan 26

·         We have taken Joey to zoos and farms and he can identify most animals, even exotic ones. Polar bears and penguins, giraffes, dinosaurs and zebras... But today when asked what his favorite animal was, he insisted several times that it was a chicken. Out of all the animals in the whole world... a chicken?! Really? Jan 25

·         In the past 2 weeks Guy has just discovered that a dog is living with us. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, babies first pay attention to people, then animals. But really- Tino is over 100 pounds. He looks like a bear. The kids crawl under him like he's a horse. And we live in an apartment! This is like an adult living in a house for 15 months and just realizing that a buffalo happens to live there too. Jan 17

·         Joey is not sure who Jesus is, except that He must be important. He hears us talk about Him pretty regularly and ask Jesus for things (when we pray and when I need to find my car keys) So Joey has started to tentatively refer to Jesus when he thinks it would be beneficial, as in, "I NEED more crackers... (nods his head reassuringly) ... for Jesus." Jan 15

·         Today I was carrying two bags, Guy, a blankie and winter coats and Joey held a revolt in the parking garage, screaming and crying, insisting that he would, "NOT RIDE THE ALLIGATOR!!" It took 7 minutes, the promise that he would not have to ride it, and multiple hugs to calm the kid down and finally understand that he was talking about the ... elevator. He would not ride the elevator. We took the stairs.  Jan 14

·         Today while driving we had a red light where Joey could see a flashing billboard. He requested that I "turn it off" I tried to explain that I couldn't and he became very very upset with me. I'm not God Joey! I'll put in a request, although, I doubt that even God deals with turning off blinking billboards on a regular basis. Jan 13

·         A 2 year olds reasoning is anything but rational. Joey thinks that as long as he gives Guy something, he can take from Guy whatever he wants. Today Joey insisted it was ok that he took the cool helicopter that Guy was playing with because in return he gave Guy a crumpled paper towel he found. Garbage for a helicopter?!Guy was okay with it, but Joey only has a few more months before his younger brother catches on... Jan 11

·         I sometimes put up baby gates around the home to keep kids from going in/out of rooms... Joey has never attempted to get past one. I don't think he has even thought about it. But this morning I witnessed Guy, (with a running start) violently throw himself into one, and totally plow through the barrier. I think now I will have to double up on gates per door frame. Jan 10

·         So yesterday I hear Joey yelling, "GUY JAMES STOP IT! STOP IT!" He was standing on the couch frantically waving at Guy, "Don't chew Jesus! Don't EAT Jesus!!" Further investigation showed Guy had gotten ahold of the nativity scene Christ child figurine and was trying to ingest baby Jesus. Joey was very upset. We confiscated baby Jesus and put him high out of reach. Dec. 27

·         After a rough day of discipline and two year old defiance I awoke from still silence in the middle of the night to Joey screaming, and then he yelled at the top of his lungs, "DON"T SAY JOEY NO!!!!" Joseph- It's 3am. You win. You have had the last word. Go. to. sleep. Nov 23.

·         So today my husband and my dad are in the woods- hunting. Soon I, (with two toddlers in tow), will be in the grocery store- gathering. I wonder which effort will be more productive. Nov 20

·         Yesterday Joey was hysterical because his turtleneck was "too tight" and "choking" him, (complete with gagging noises) the sleeves were too bunched in his winter coat, which was also "too hot", his hat was "itchy" and his mittens were "icky". Oh Minnesota winter... how will we survive you? Nov 19

·         Joey thinks it's fine to smash into and knock over Guy as long as he screams "Tackle" first. My little linebacker needs to learn to restrain himself. And I can't wait for football season to be over.Nov 12

·         Joey was smashing blocks against another toy today. I kept telling him to stop or I would remove the toys from him. He wouldn't stop but I was distracted and failed to follow through.. I kept threatening and he kept smashing. Finally after he threw the toys for the eighth time I yelled "JOSEPH!!" He came up to me and hung his head, held out the blocks. and said, "please--- just take them away." Nov 9

·         This morning I flipped a pancake on the stove. Guy gave me a round of applause and Joey yelled from across the room, "mom! You're super strong!! SUPER STRONG!" I decided to seize the affirmation, "Yes Joseph. I am the strongest and most beautiful woman in the whole world." He kept eating and nodded his head in agreement. Nov. 6

·         Guy- when another child (or anybody) spits already chewed up food out of their mouth, you do not immediately pick it up and put it in yours. This is not good advice. This is a life rule. Nov 5

·         I no longer even try to require that my children smile in any photos. I just require that they are in them. If the kid's are captured in the shot, no matter if they are squirming, yelling, eating or moving- it counts! We are going back to basics... ( I just felt I had to explain the most recent album) Trust me! They're happy children. Nov 4

·         I just realized that I can get Joey to follow any direction if I sing it in the "if you're happy and you know it" song. This is excellent. I will try and use this power for good Oct 29

·         I wish Colorado was next to California, and then Minnesota just above it, with Connecticut to the immediate right. Rhode Island could come along with the Atlantic, so could Maine, and enchanted New Mexico would sit right below. The rest of the states would be perfect just on other side of the great lakes. And I would live in Denver. Oct 20

·         I try not to get the kids up before 7.30 am. Today Joey heard me at 7 and kept yelling to get up. Then he screams "MOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Joseph: I am taking a shower without someone pulling on the curtain. I am eating cheerios without sharing. I am watching the news without a chant for Elmo in the background. I am restoring sanity so I can afford to lose it today. This is what I'm doing. No. You may not get up. Oct 19

·         I was buckling Joey into his car seat when he suddenly said urgently, "Shhh Mom! Shhh!... I hear Jesus." "You hear JESUS?!" (I needed to clarify) "yes." we waited in anticipation. After a few moments Joey sighed, disappointed. "No... just a fire truck." Oct 16

·         Joey is into a new phase where he points to things around the house (the screen door, his crib, the remote, kitchen cabinets, my phone) and says "Mommy broke. (insert sigh) Daddy fix." I find this insulting. Accurate yes. but insulting. Oct 14

·         Guy had a very high fever yesterday and last night. Joey saw us taking his temperature and giving him attention.. so this morning Joey asks for the thermometer and tells me he's sick. "Oh. do you need some medicine?" I asked. "no" said Joey. "I need some cake." Seriously?! To hear him talk you think all we ever eat is chocolate and cake. really.Oct 11

·         when we were little my mom used to try and get us to refer to her as "your majesty", as a joke. It wasn't very successful and I never really saw the humor. But I've been working with Joey and twice yesterday he called me "Your Majesty" as in "Thanks Your Majesty" .(prompting was required) but this is fantastic! the best thing i've introduced since solid foods. Yes, I know it won't last... Oct 8

·         when we were little my mom used to try and get us to refer to her as "your majesty", as a joke. It wasn't very successful and I never really saw the humor. But I've been working with Joey and twice yesterday he called me "Your Majesty" as in "Thanks Your Majesty" .(prompting was required) but this is fantastic! the best thing i've introduced since solid foods. Yes, I know it won't last... Oct 6

·         Joey was sitting in his crib, put there to take a time out from the world. I hear suspicious whispering in his room so I peek in. Joey is instructing Guy on which toys to hand through the bars, and Guy is dutifully passing along the contraband. Children- you have your whole life to gang up on me. Please please. let's not start now. Sept 28

·         so. after a pretty big hair coloring disaster I come home and Guy can't stop looking at my hair and smiling, running his little fingers through it, and Joey says "mommy soooo pretty" over and over. I love children. Especially mine. Sept 20

·         It's a bit difficult to be sympathetic towards my sobbing toddler who has just dropped a huge cup of smoothie all over the kitchen floor and is in tears. I was the one who mopped the whole floor 1/2 an hour ago. I deserve the crying rights. Sept 17

·         Joey has started to tag "miss you" every time he says "Love you" so when he goes to sleep he says "Love you, miss you" and if he gives us a kiss "love you Miss you" I tried to explain that you don't miss someone when they are here. You miss them when they are gone. "Miss you- all gone" he said. He understood! But later I told him the crackers were gone. "All gone." he said. "love you, miss you crackers." Sept 16

·         I thought I was teaching Joey shapes. I drew a circle with a blue crayon. "What shape is this Joey? Circle." then a triangle with a red crayon. "What shape is this? Triangle." then took a green crayon and drew a square. "a square." He looked at me and held up a yellow crayon , pointed to it and asked, "What shape is this one?" then he asked for the triangle crayon. apparently he thought I was teaching colors.... Sept 12

·         I asked Joey what he wanted to do today. After much thought this was his list, "eat grape, look lawnmower, push light, get guyguy." which means we'll spend the day eating grapes, watching the lawnmowers, turning on and off every lamp we own and then wrestle Guy. Totally unproductive yet perfect. What a life. Sept 8

·         so. the boys were holding hands in their carseats. I told them how cute they were and what wonderful brothers they were being etc.. Then Guy of course wanted to pull his hand away and Joey held on even tighter and wouldn't let go. Guy tried to bite him screaming and Joey started yelling "GUY JAMES STOP IT" then they started hitting, yelling, and crying. - forget words of affirmation. I'm keeping my mouth shut. Sept 1

·         Joey has officially dropped the word want from his vocabulary and replaced it with need. (with emphasis) so everyday now he NEEDS to have eggs -he NEEDS Elmo. He NEEDS to bring monkey, pooh bear, regular bear, and big dog into the grocery store. I'm having trouble explaining the difference between need and want. I get confused too. Aug 31

·         I call the kids by their full names when they are in trouble. So now Joey refers to Guy only as "GUY JAMES STOP IT" . I tried to explain to him, no-, just Guy James, like Joseph Roman. "Guy James, Joseph Roman". He looked as though he understood and then said, "Mommy Kate!"Aug 26

·         Joey wanted to read so I told him to go get me a book. He comes running back with one titled... "Complete Guide to Parenting Your Toddler"..... Aug 21

·         If we have leftovers we normally pass them along to our gigantic bear of a dog - Tino. Joey however has taken this one step further insisting that Tino needs a little plate with the scraps of food on it. I'm okay with that. but this morning I caught Joey setting down a plastic fork and cup of water next to the plate. ....and no. this has now gone too far. Aug 16

·         Whenever I go to get Joey out of his crib, before I pick him up he always frantically looks around the crib to make sure he has everything. Blanket. Bear. Pants. Book. Pants again. and then double checks- looking around. This is not a plane or a taxi Joey. This is your crib. We can come back. Aug 13

·         He's like a puppy. Guy is obsessed with eating paper. Kid books, my books, piano books, board books, notebooks, grocery lists, calendars... etc. Anything he can find or pull out, or grab on to. But really. today I saw him chewing on / eating (yes eating) his board book Children's Bible and I had to draw the line somewhere. No eating Bibles. Aug 12

·         Joey was supposed to be trying to go to sleep - instead Joe and I hear him talking from his crib and then yell "JOEY CHOKING!! NEED A SIP OF WATER! A SIP OF WATER!" Upon further investigation - neither of these statements were true. He just wanted to get up. Aug 11

·         I have decided that from now on it is survival of the fittest in the car. I am no longer mediating fights for toys between car seats while I'm driving. May the strongest and loudest kid win. Aug 10

·         Right before Joey went to bed I kissed him and told him I loved him said what a special boy he was. His response? "NO!" ...... yay for toddlers! : ) Aug 1

·         So today Joey woke up at 6.30 and insisted on wearing a collared shirt, two different socks, sneakers, a headband and two different types of mittens... .... and no pants. July 19

·         Joey woke up at 5.45 this morning and then insisted that he neeeeeeeeded to watch sesame streeet.... with swim goggles and his rain boots on... sitting on his bike..... July 18

·         I wish that while washing Joey's bear there would be a way to selectively wash out "campfire smoke smell" and selectively keep in "every other smell since he was born" ..... April 2